I often wonder if people think I’m vain sharing all these self-portraits. As if it’s easy to snap a photo and share it without a worry.
As if anything I ever choose to do is easy.
Truth is, I agonise about it each time I hit upload on a photo, publish and book, or share a new project.
I see the faults. I see the imperfections. I focus on things that don’t truly matter. Am I smiling too much? Did I use too many words? Do people even want to buy something like this? This photo/book/project turned out nothing like I imagined. They never do.
Then comes the hesitation. That I’m annoying. That what I post might be taken the wrong way. Or that no one will care at all.
Over the years, I’ve taught myself how to move through the uneasiness. I’ve taught myself to sit with the shadows and not be afraid of them, to not hide them. Then, I get on with what I first set out to do.
I carry on regardless, because I refuse to let it control me. I refuse to let it dictate how I move, how I think, how I feel about myself.
That’s all it takes sometimes, one quick decision to send it out into the world and the courage to carry on no matter what the reception is.
I want to create and I want to express myself and I want to, maybe, somehow, inspire others to do the same. And so I share myself and my creations, shadows and all.
