Recently I cried to the Universe about a dream I wanted desperately to come true. There was a bit of indignation and “how dare you give me a dream if it won’t come true” kind of talk. I finished it with a plea to give me something to grasp onto, just to know if I was on the right path.
Two days later I received a glaring sign, that both surprised and elated me.
It wasn’t a sign to say what I wanted was going to come true, it was a sign to say “keep going”, “you are exactly where you need to be.”
And it was everything I needed!
002 - The Mindset Shift
I recently fell into a trap of becoming obsessed and fixated on a dream that I wasn’t sure would or could become reality.
Not to spoil how that worked out for me, but it ended up consuming me and, surprise, surprise, I broke my own heart.
I climbed out of it the only way I could... One intense rage cry later, I faced the reality that I had no control at all.
And then, I shifted my mindset just enough to allow the truth to sink in.
What was that truth?
This:
1. Being so attached and focused on a particular dream or goal keeps me living in the fear of it not coming true. Fear stops me from being present in my body, in my day, in all the good things that show up. And that is so far removed from living the wonderful life I had envisioned.
2. The opposite of obsessing over the unknown future is being present. And when I am present, following my joy, the future doesn’t matter. I feel like I’m living my best life, right now… even without that thing I really wanted.
3. The only thing I need to do and be is MYSELF. Not my highest self or untouchable “best” self, just me as I am right now. My favourite self. My messiest self. Just myself.
4. When I am myself in my truth — and as a byproduct, allow myself to be present — I am on the path of my best life. This is where dreams effortlessly fade or where dreams are made. And either option is fine because joy exists.
That’s the juxtaposition of life.
001 - The Existential Crisis
2024 wasn’t the year I thought it would be.
I think I lost some of my sparkle.
I thought the word Embody would bring me closer to being my highest self; that I would be the embodiment of myself in my purest, truest form. Confident and glorious.
Very early on, I came up against myself in a big way. A “what if I’m not meant for the things I find purpose in?” kind of conundrum.
I pushed through and got past the self worth hiccup… or so I thought.
Then my mum died and I fell into an existential crisis, followed by a crisis of faith.
The crisis showed me I wasn’t who I thought I was. Or rather, I wasn’t who I thought I wanted to be… and that’s better, because who I wanted to be wasn’t actually ME!
Coming close to the end of the year, I thought I hadn’t succeeded in living up to the word Embody, but I realise now where I went wrong.
I couldn’t fully embody myself if my head was in the future, trying to be a version of me I wasn’t yet. That’s the opposite of alignment.
True embodiment is just being present as you are right now, no matter how you’re feeling.
And, existentialism and all, I did that! I felt what I felt and I allowed myself to be exactly who I was in that very moment:
A woman who just wanted to go back to basics and create from the heart instead of trying to force it.
A woman who needed to grieve the loss of her mother.
A woman who needed to realise she was enough, in each moment.
And I think by doing all of that, I truly succeeded in embodying all that I am.
When we are ourselves in the most present, messiest, and honest way… we are all that we need to be.
My word of the year for 2025 is Nurture and is all the heart chakra vibes. Where I hope to be kinder to myself, and to grow the capacity to serve and love others more.
