9/52 : WOULDN'T IT BE NICE?

I’m a dreamer. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I’m a dreamer.

As I daydream, I see things in my mind and I can feel the emotions as if they’re real and I’m living them in that very moment. Sometimes I dream about wacky things, like space travel or far off lands—things that are impossible. And sometimes, I dream about my life, the possibilities of how it could unfold.

I suppose some people might see me as a glass always full type of gal. They also might see me as idealistic and somewhat ungrounded. But they’d be wrong.

I used to dream so hard that it ended up hurting me. Because when I came out of the daze, and looked around at my truth, things weren’t exactly as I’d hoped.

Where was my Academy Award? Where were the clients booking my photo sessions out months in advance? Where was my 6-figure book deal? Slowly but surely, my dreams caused my reality to feel dull, monotonous, uneventful. I felt as though I was missing something. As though I was living my life without my purpose. I began to ignore the things I did have and focus solely on what I wanted but didn’t have yet.

And then I realised that wasn’t true dreaming. True dreaming uplifts and inspires. True dreaming sees potential in what already exists. True dreaming gives life. What I was doing instead, was killing myself from the core.

So I switched it up. It all started with loving where I was at, and with being grateful for what I already had. It also started with me not giving the dreams any responsibility to come true in order for me to be fulfilled. That’s key.

What I do now is say “wouldn’t it be nice?” Instead of looking at something I don’t have but want and feel like I’m missing out, I simply say “wouldn’t it be nice?” It gives a lighter vibe. No pressure, no heaviness. Just a casual entertaining of an idea. (P.S. Everything starts with an idea).

Here I am thinking: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a piece of land. Somewhere close to a town but in a world of its own. Wouldn’t it be nice to build on that land, a home that suits us and all our likes. Wouldn’t it be nice to look out on rolling hills with the sun shining down and be able to call out “I’m free” without anyone hearing me. Wouldn’t it be nice for my dog to run around on acres without a care in the world. Wouldn’t it be nice?

And then, I take a deep breath and turn back to the here and now, and I smile because I love my house and the people who live in it, and for now that (and the inkling of an idea) is all I need.

7/52 : HOW ARE YOU?

I’m coming out of a weird phase. I’ve been feeling a little dormant, with a smidge of despondency, and a dash of hopefulness. It’s kinda like sludging through a mud pit while the sky remains blue and birds are chirping happily in the distance.

In the past when I felt this way, I’d fight against it the whole time. Analysing and contemplating and pushing myself to be better and to just snap out of it. But this time, I’ve felt a sense of “okayness”. Because, I knew it would pass, as phases do.

It’s okay to not be high-vibe all the time. We aren’t meant to be one-dimensional and constantly “light”. We are meant to be multi-faceted, with depth and shadows. My favourite realisation during this phase is that I AM ENOUGH. In all the ways. In slumbers and slumps, in wins and gleeful flow, I AM ENOUGH. As I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t ignored my feelings. I know that they are signals acting on our subconscious behalf to tell us what needs attention. But not everything needs to be a lesson. Sometimes all it is, is the body calling for rest and rejuvenation, for boundaries and self-care, for time and a safe space.

During this time, I’ve been doing things to protect my energy as I renew myself, because soon, it will be time for more. I’m coming out of the ebb and about to get into the flow. I know this, because that’s how phases work.